What the fuck? Seriously.

I had to break up a fight today at work. This shit is ridiculous, people are stupid. I am starting my own wall of shame and these two idiots are going on it right now.

This is what happened.

Guy 1 pulled a car into the wash bay to clean it. Guy 2 asked if he wanted a hand with it so it could get done faster. Guy 1 said no. So then break time comes, and Guy 1 says to Guy 2 to finish the car. So Guy 2 gets angry and says "why didn't you just let me help then it could have been done, now I have to skip my break to finish it, your fucking retarded" They yell, then start pushing each other, and then I had to step in, with my superhero like managerial skills. These people are stupid, and are getting fired.

I am now taking suggestions on the most comical way to fire someone.

So I lied, I am at work.

However me and the mechanic that works next to my desk were talking about houses, he said his neighbor is also the developer in the area that he recently built his house. So this man, decided that he wants to own the house that is the proverbial king of the street. Quote "I don't care how much it costs or how long it takes, or whats in, I am just going to keep writing cheques until someone makes me and offer for it, and if no one does I will move in"

This house now has three of these.

http://cgi.ebay.com/WHIRLPOOL-STEAM-SHOWER-SAUNAS-HOT-TUBS-SAUNA-BATH-SPA_W0QQitemZ290269221479QQcmdZViewItem?hash=item290269221479&_trkparms=72%3A1420%7C39%3A1%7C66%3A2%7C65%3A12%7C240%3A1309&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14

Now I can be lazy sometimes, but more often then not I like to stay active and move around. If I ever buy one of these things (notice they are only 700 dollars + 600 for shipping) It is going in my basement and I am never getting out. If you ever wanna come over bring a bathing suit cause I ain't leaving that thing. If you read the description it says that it has its own heater, so there is no need to keep filling it with water over and over because it gets cold. 

My blog cherry has just been popped faster than a teenaged boy having sex for the first time.

Now before we begin lets just clear a few things up for you blog aficionados out there.

1. I am not Mr. Hooooooblers, I can in no way guarantee the level of hilarity that his blog has to offer. At best, I can fill the empty void/addiction that is your blog reading lives, when Mr. Hooooo0blers is too busy banging the shit out of an Ugo, or is away at the cabin for all those long blog-less summer months (what a dickfarm leaving us hanging for so long)

2. Matt Gray if you bitch I will destroy you

3. There are no rules for comments, please feel free to disguise yourself as whoever you feel necessary in order to keep the funny train a rolling

4. The blog WILL NOT be updated while I am at work. I spend a lot of time on facebook at work, and I am usually pretty bored, however writing this much at one time is exhausting, much like banging the shit out of an Ugo. Mr. Hooooooblers must have the stamina of a marathon runner.

5. Periodically this blog will just feature stories from our youth, these stories can be meant to demean and humiliate its characters. This is not always my intention, but sometimes is, as I hate people.

Now lets begin.

Today as I was walking to Subway with a co-worker for lunch I met a group of teenagers sitting in the restaurant. It was a very diverse group of kids, male, female, white, brown, asian, punk, goth, and rapper. They were arguing about how the government decides on how much the government takes for income tax. Now this being about 1230 in the afternoon give or take ten minutes I was curious why these children were not at school, perhaps learning the answer to the very argument they were having. The black kid was convinced the government looks at your ethnic background and taxes you accordingly in order to keep stereotypes alive. Classic blackman conspiracy theorist/hater of white people AKA The Man. The Asian kid was trying to convince them it is based of an income bracket. While the white kid was telling them that income tax is just a scam and the government is actually using that money to fund wars. While partially true all that was going through my mind while listening to this conversation was "What is the best way to punch every one of these kids in the head and then get out of the restaurant before the police are phoned."

Then it dawned on me, it was impossible. It was about as possible as finding the G-spot and making it out alive. I am not Indiana Jones or some sort of descendant of Indiana Jones. I cannot go tromping through some ancient temple looking for the G-spot. The first emotional trap I hit I am going down hard (usually its tears, women crying is a bitch move and makes me want to slap you so hard in the ovaries that your G-spot is destroyed, congratulations now no one gets to have fun during the sex but me). But I digress, the impossible part was not hitting them in face, that was quite easy actually, the difficult part was when I needed to escape with my food. 

Anyways, that was my blog for the day, it was probably lame and Matt Gray will probably tear me a knew one (hopefully it exposes my G-spot) for not being better than Hooooooblers blog, but whatever, I can't get worse can I?